Prayers of the Unapologetic

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Light vs Darkness (1 John:1:6)

I am starting this thing where I kinda read the bible for a minute to see if what I read coincides with my spiritual beliefs. Call it a test of some sort so bear with me.

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“If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not [speak] the  truth”

I had a discussion with a friend not so long ago where they, in a sense, did not want to hear of the negative aspects of my past. To me, this was down right rude.

This is why.

For a long time I believed that if you were to connect with someone, be it a friend or a lover, you should do so wholeheartedly. By doing this you show that you trust them with the most vulnerable parts of your being, as well as let them in to see the things that shaped you into who you are now.

For a long time I was of this belief.

So after that discussion where I was offended that they refused or preferred not to hear of those things, you could say in a sense a wall was erected by the subconscious. As humans, it’s only normal to have a defense up, even subconsciously.

So imagine my surprise as I begin my ‘bible study’ to find that: Hey, maybe they weren’t wrong in their feeling after all.

Being more spiritually inclined rather then religiously, I like to say that I dwell in the light having given up my darkness (past) to live in the present, where peace, joy, and love dwell. But still, when trying to connect with someone, I still manifested the darkness in the present.

So I ask myself: If I had truly forgiven, let it go, moved on and so forth wouldn’t I then not need that to paint a picture of who I am now?

If I truly am in fellowship with the universe/ him/ she/ the entity that is, then wouldn’t only my present me, my light, that which is good be what should infinitely define me if I truly have let go of that which isn’t a part of me?

Wouldn’t we all be able to wake up in the morning without any form of negative feelings just a joy (light) for the day and a happy fascination with every human we meet and every job we tackle even though we have been in the same situation time.

It feels like then to live truly and freely, you don’t need to bring up the negative or witness such things that are of that nature. By doing, by rebooting and truly letting go, we then give ourselves the opportunity to live free of judgments, past thoughts, opinions, memories, basically we hmmmm I know what I want to say but I just don’t know how to say it.

Maybe this language isn’t enough or maybe i’m just daydreaming.

I don’t know but it’s been an interesting thought.

 

**Additional thought: do you think by saying to live in the light and not the darkness it means to stop living in our thoughts/ mind (darkness/ that which can’t be see) and rather live in the light / the present/ that which we see and can touch can feel because the first verse of that chapter says “that which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our own eyes, which we have looked upon and our hands have handled, of the word of life” is that what it all means? hmmmm**

To be continued….

As he stood, the world shook.

My body called out to his with an intensity I had never felt within. He straightened his shirt, picked up his phone and headed for the door.

No final goodbye, just a back for me to watch, and so he walked on as my heart froze. Froze in time, begging for me to take it all back just because. Froze in time hoping that all was not lost among the lies.

He walked as images that once lived flashed through my mind looking for a moment that could save this in time. He walked as tears silently crept down my face as I acted brave, ha brave, even though that was not quite the case.

He stopped at the door and in that instance I thought maybe I should not go at it alone. But what is alone, if I was to follow all that I’ve known?

He stopped at the door and my body begged, begged me to stop. Stop the madness, she called and just go with what was known. But the words shot so clearly in front of my thoughts as that that is unknown unclothed: ‘If you love something you shall let it go”.

And so I fought back with control hoping that if he did love he would find home once more.

He stopped at the door, the crack of the door rang into my soul, should I give him a hug then I thought but he was already gone before I could finish my final thought.

With two steps out the door I instantly broke down from what i’d lost.

Hello 2018!

 

After some time away learning and expanding, I am back this year with some brand new characters, their stories and even some spiritual musings to boot.

So as the year unfolds and a much as well as the characters that come to say hello through the lives they choose to share with you.

 

Light & Love

Achieng