Are You Changing?

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Sweet Serenade

Will you hate me if I show you my scars……


I sometimes wonder why even though one tries so hard, even though you get hurt and still try, everyone disappoints you, breaks you, lies to you…..

You ever have friends who did the worst to you and you still let them back in but when you do something simple like take time for you they act like their manna and you must beg for them to fed you their sweet nectar?

You ever have someone accuse you of being a bitch because you defended yourself and when you let your guard down with them cause you’re trying not to be a b**ch they hurt you even worse than before?

You ever have someone shut you out because they asked for honesty and when you gave it to them, when you became vulnerable with them they term you as being to needy or judge you for your honesty?

You ever have someone cross a boundary and have them laugh it off like you’re the one with the problem and when you address the issue all of a sudden you’re up tight and need to loosen?

You ever have all this happen and still you find yourselfย  trying yet again with the people who broke you or didn’t care or who did the worse only for them to shut you out even more when you never do that to them?

Sometimes I wonder what’s the point of it all, even though you try, even though you put your pride aside whats the point of this life when it just gets thrown back in your face in end?

That’s why its just a lonely b**chy world but lately it just feels like its not meant to be my world anymore but what do I know right. I’m just a b**ch who cant seem to get it right.


i’m so tired but i am trying so hard not to be otherwise the darkness can take me.

Black Panther

I tried not to talk about this movie but i’m a b**ch so here we go… and yes, I waited for it to be released online because I don’t go to watch over hyped movies made for the zombie community.


I sat down with much anticipation to finally watch what most claimed to be the movie of the year. So I grabbed my popcorn and what not, and hit play.

10 seconds in…

Realization: Oh tis a South African ting (this of course came from the accents of the characters.)

Now this could be just me, but I am not really a fan of black Americans trying to act African especially when the only ‘African’ they seem to know is South Africa, but I digress and believe I covered this in a previous rumbling ๐Ÿ˜€

10 minutes or so in…..

I am not trying to be a a flipping b**ch here and I understand the need for Hollywood to have it’s African ‘it girl’ and she is doing her thing, making her money and I shouldn’t hate because they are trying to be diverse, but can I just be honest, I have only watched Ms. Nyong’o on the silver screen twice. In the movie 12 yrs and now BP and, I don’t know.

To me shes gotten a lot of recognition for simply saying not more than two words on the big screen. Do you notice the lens normally just hits her for a second or two and she gets a line or two here and there?

I think Hollywood is really getting their moneys worth when it comes to her because she has brought in the ‘Afican Zombie’ community but again I haven’t really seen her full body of work so what do I know ๐Ÿ˜€ we all have our fav actors and actresses, so do you girl and don’t mind my rumblings.

BTW that scene where the daughter gives the middle finger to the brother LOL If you know anything about African parents, a child would rather eat crow then do that even when they know their parent won’t directly see it because the whooping that would follow wouldn’t have make it worth it.

20 minutes or so in…..

I loved Micheal B Jordan in the 2 minutes I saw him.

I think this was because he was the only actor who wasn’t doing the ‘African accent’ orย  maybe because he was simply just a black american acting as a black american would (stereotypes are a b**ch ee).

I can get why this movie may have been a hit with black Americans everywhere when most of them haven’t really come to Africa.

Don’t get me wrong, we got love for you, but come on, for most of you, Africa is a wall hanging you have with tales off flies on malnourished starving people that you may or may never get to check.

So I ask: Would it have been better to cast African actors and actresses to make it more authentic?

I mean, we have a plethora of them already working on their craft here in Africa and if the Black American community is so into Africa, if they are all about the motherland, why couldn’t they instead push to support Africa and do the whole thing in its home base?

Ama is all that ‘WOKE’ nonsense and Dashiki wearing , I am a king, just for show? ๐Ÿ˜€

*I will note though, they did shoot some scenes in Wakanda opps I mean Uganda, Zambia and what seems to be, to most outsiders, the whole of Africa, South Africa. But before you get excited, note, these were just aerial shots…. ๐Ÿ˜€ no comment

Also Ms. Nyong’o, my love, you are from Kenya, I believe you lived here long enough, when you saw the Maasai tribe doing its thing, couldn’t you at least ask them to get the accent right for that part? Maybe even plug in someone who had the look right?Or maybe phone a Maasai friend who could showcase the accent and look right for them ๐Ÿ˜€ (B**ch mode activated)

…….and again kwani the Maasais, Kalenjins, and Nigerians are the only people Europeans know to exist in the rest Africa aside from Ms. Nyongo, Trevor Noah, and Obama? (I say the rest of Africa because SA doesn’t seem to float with our boat)

Days like this make me thing that some of these reality stars that spew dumb caca about Africa may be how a majority of y’all see us? But again I digress ๐Ÿ˜€

Then we have what I am guessing was the Nigerian tribe, LOL!ย  (Here I am talking about the guy that challenged the black american, opps I mean the future king of Uganda, damnit, I meant Wakanda ๐Ÿ˜€ ( creativity isn’t my forte so I digress) )

The only thing that guy got right was the Nigerian O, everything else just looked like it was a Halloween dress up party and a black American was tryna get hype! He didn’t even look like he ever entered the motherland or knew what the shaggz lifestyle was like.

(BTW with all the reports of Nigerians conning y’all I would think their accent would have been the easiest to get, anyway …..)

Suggestion: How about when you try pull off African characters you come stay with the people you are trying to be like? And for crying out loud Europeans we are more than just SA and mediocre characters, just saying.

30 minutes in…..

At this point I switched to a documentary on food cause I prefer that to trying to make sense of it all.

For me I don’t know.

Unlike most people who wore their one dashiki outfit to go watch this movie, all I saw was Hollywood grabbing at the whole we ‘Woke’ black zombie community that seems to be proudly African but only from a far.

*Side note: If you are just getting into this ‘WOKE’ maneno you are a bit late my friend for people who are actually on that tip, who have lived on that tip, look at the newbies like a passing fad for when the next hype thing comes about they are sure you will forget all about being ‘woke’. (But I don’t speak for everybody ๐Ÿ˜€ )

Could I have done it better since I’m b**ching about LOL, I don’t know, maybe I could maybe I could’t, but then again I only watched the thing for 30 minutes & maybe I would have preferred it if they just kept their accents and stopped trying to make us all South African ๐Ÿ˜€ (okay okay B**ch mode deactivated)

All in all there are alot of ifs and maybes so I’ll try again soon over some wine and a snack and maybe then it will make more sense to my blues.

And anyway they made billions so what do I know:D


PS: ………….with all the music Kendrick Lamar madeย  you guys couldn’t plug it into your black american movie? It may have been more authentic then a bunch of drums and what not (because that’s all we are known for as a culture) or even better yet, with all the amazing African music, past and some present,ย  you couldn’t pick something of maana to elevate your scenes? hehe I’m done!


A Street Car Named Shoshana

I loved the city lights, even when they didn’t shine so bright.

My mama always said I lived for the shiny lights

even as a child

my eyes shone so bright


ย I would often watch her as she swayed

painting her lips red as she prayed

eyes up yet shut to the men who played

yes played her game

so she could get her sweet way


I loved the night life that was always awake, awake with the secrets of those who lived in the grey.

Yes, Iย  would watch mama as she swayed

to later on find my on play

Set the scene in the old grey

I found my first prey,ย  yes prey

at the tender ripe age a lady should never say


You see, he was a john

who was unlike the norm

he had the mighty throne

that was all of his own

and as the night turned to grey

I found my subconscious give way

And there in the abiss I heard mama pray

“My sweet Shoshana who is bright as day,

I hope you never have to paint your face,”