Often, we are faced with this question at some point in our lives. More so as an adult then when we are kids. What do you believe?
When I was younger I believed in the catholic way of being. I prayed, I confessed my sins much to my entertainment. As a child knowing I could maybe do something naughty and say a couple of hail Mary’s always made me feel better for being bad. But away from that I was the catholic girl.
Later on in life I became intrigued by philosophy, the mind, the different religions present on earth and boy did my mind swirl.
I dabbled in it all and I made sure to try as much as I could, to my mother’s horror, in an effort to find that missing link to what I felt at the time was what I needed to feel complete. A belief so steadfast in its roots it couldn’t be shook.
You know, like that saved friend that has seen angels and what not. I wanted that.
Other times when I was naive and wishful I believed in the government, and when I was free I believed in the silence of the earth.
What is to believe?
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as:
1 a :to have a firm or wholehearted religious conviction or persuasion :to regard the existence of God as a fact Do you believe? —usually used with in believe in the Scriptures
b :to accept something as true, genuine, or real ideals we believe in believes in ghosts
2 :to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something believe in exercise
3 :to hold an opinion :think I believe so
With that in mind I ask:
- If I am to say I do not believe in religion or rather I have no religious conviction does that make me less of a spiritual entity then that person who is in a religion?
- If I am to say that I chose not to take anything as truth or genuine or ideal because in a world that has existed for so long one can never truly have such understanding, is it right of me to say that I would be deemed as not normal in terms of what is deemed as normal human make up?
- If I choose to hold no opinions what does that say about me as a whole?
I in my own limited and flawed understanding coupled with the little number of years I have taken breath on this earth can say, that if I am to place some form of belief in something, I believe in being.
In a sense I believe in the individual’s right to believe in what they believe to be right to them without the need to stamp it as truth for the whole of mankind to follow. That is what I believe in. No matter if you are religious or not, no matter if you eat cornflakes or sip tea, no matter if you are organic or dig into some bbq wings that just don’t quit. That is what I believe in.
One’s freedom to be, what do you believe in?
Interview with: Nalia
Age: 16 years old
Location: B-9 Police Station
Interviewer: Rachel Smith (Lead Psychologist)
(Click, Click, Click)
Where am I? Who are you?
Nalia? It’s me …
Why do you keep looking at me like that……
Wait, what is this?
Nalia i’m going…
Is this blood?
WHAT IS THIS?
Nalia, I’m going to need you to calm down.
(Click, Click, Click)
Hey relax, look at me.
Its Doctor Rachel, remember? Am a friend of your dad’s and I’ve been helping him with the department?
I’m sorry we had to keep you in this room but it’s all for your protection and everything will be made clear in a moment.
I know you are confused but I am here to help you.
You are in B-9 police station and you were found unconscious outside Great Fruits Supermarket a few miles from the Chief residences. Do you remember how you got there?
Why am I here?
I’ll answer all your questions I promise….
What is all this…. blood?
…….but first I need you to try and remember what happened before we found you outside the supermarket.
I can’t help you if you don’t tell me anything Nalia.
Listen, Liana ….
(whispers) what have you done?
….told me that Biko was trying to help. Do you know who Biko is Nalia?
I remember now …..where i was.
I was at home with him, the chief.
What were you doing at home?
I….(shuffles)….I was finishing my homework.
You remember don’t you? How the chief always said that school work was important, how he said it low and cold. You remember don’t you miss ‘it’s the gateway to the white lands’?
Says, said, your language is foreign to me.
Nalia, tell me what happened after you finished your homework?
I don’t want to be here anymore. Now either tell me why I am here or let me go this instant.
He….the Ch…Chiief won’t be very happy about this, white woman.
Listen there is no need to be rude and your father….
Curiosity killed the cat you know.
You shouldn’t stick your nose into other people’s business.
“So, he slipped my little dress off and I instantly knew….”
That was Maddy, my best friend. She was currently letting me in on her new conquest from the previous night, as my attention slowly shifted from the gorgeous dark-skinned beauty that was she, to the tall enigmatic man who stood next to the host of the event this evening.
He drew me in like my favorite red wine that lingered on my lips. He did not move, he did not smile in my direction. He simply spoke to the host but never left my soul.
“Dani! For heavens sake are you listening to me?”
I tore my eyes away from him and continued listening to Maddy.
I ran up the stairs and into the bedroom locking the door behind me.
As I began to sprinkle sea salt I could hear them fiddle with the door knob downstairs. My hands were shaking, my heartbeat was none existent and as I precisely made the gestures that I was instructed to, I felt like this scene was all too familiar.
As long as I could remember my memories as a baby never faded as they did for many people who were now my age.
To this day I can still remember Bow singing me and my brother to sleep on the first day home to when she held me high up in the air and span me around and around as the afternoon golden sun seemed to make everything around us glitter like gold. I remembered everything.
On one such afternoon, Bow was preparing our snacks and my brother, Harlow, was out in the back yard playing with the dog when the doorbell rang.
I remember being mesmerized by the rays as I sat at the kitchen table, not more than 5 years old, when the sun seemed to disappear and darkness began to envelope everything.
Outside, the dog began barking and I heard my brother scream while in the other direction I had a crash come from the sitting room followed by an eerie silence.
I remember my heartbeat stop and my palms began to shiver like it was a winters day. I remember the shadow come inside the house and eat up every ounce of light left. I remember choking and the air being so dense I could barely take it in.
But most of all I remember Bows scent and her touching the center of my forehead. I remember feeling like lighting had struck me then everything went black.
As I heard them burst through the front door and I completed the gestures and phrases, there was a bright flash as the moonstone burnt bright and then, everything went dark.