Set ups to Break ups: 1

Radio Silence

It was a Saturday morning and I was relieved that the weekend was here and thoughts of school were far away, at least for the time being anyway.

Form two, for me, was sort of a blur. I was a chubster (I don’t lie to myself 😀 neither did the pictures I burned :D), skipped school and went on adventures only teenage goth girls in malls knew.

Back then I was already fighting the system as God planned lol and taking no prisoners.

On that day mum was out at work and my sister was doing part of her chores when a text came in.

[bleep] “Tune into 98.4.”

Irritated, for I didn’t know the number, I reluctantly changed the station and on came the presenters voice, ” Marty would like to send a special shout out to his high school crush and forever dream girl listening right now! Coming up next for you is Shayne Ward, breathless, can you smell the love in the air….”

At that point, if I wasn’t coated in all this melanin, I would have been as red as my favorite school socks.

“Hello, did you hear…..”

“HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!” I snapped on my side of the line as I cut him mid sentence.

My blood was boiling, and I was mostly embarrassed if anything else, that he would have the audacity to publicly announce he’s weird love for me. (But in today’s tinder age, how sexy would that be to have such a proclamation?:D Now its all rumors and ghosting )

Anyway, I gave him, what I believe, was the first tongue lashing i’d ever given any mand 😀 and the next week at school, I opened my locker to find a little hand made note saying sorry from him.

I read it, sighed and proceeded to throw it in the garbage because the changing hormones activated my bih mode too early and life want in his favor 😀 but he did try again twice 😀 so maybe they do like the crazies.



Specs and Friends

“We both hated you at the time so we didn’t really see what was so wrong with shagging and b**ching about you after.”


University for me was never really my cup of tea, but as is the custom, I went diligently in an effort to find my path to greatness.

During my journey there, I met a guy who wore specs, was shorter then me, dressed mmmmmm lets just leave that alone for today :D, and talked to much for my liking and taste 😀 (I know 😀 I thought I could be refined and cultured but behold, the bih is here)

Anyway, we met at some school poetry slam, I think, and we chatted here and there for a few months after. During this conversing period, he, on multiple occasions,  asked me to be his girlfriend, to which I promptly responded , “We will never work out, let it go.”


Now, let me add, I am the type who will only say something once and if I find that I am repeating myself, I tend to result to actions in an effort get the point across.

These actions may not always be in the other persons favor, but that’s why I warn people about me the first day we meet.


So after months of saying no and getting bored with the constant repetition because he wouldn’t listen, I decided to say yes. Not because he had worn me down and I was starting to see an attraction, but because I thought it better to show him then repeat myself one more time.

We dated for three months if I remember correctly.

He, unfortunately for him, was nowhere near my type or speed so I didn’t give him what people in relationships give each other, you know, time, patience bla bla bla and am sure if you asked him today he would scream from the mountain top that I  mistreated’ him .


But I ask you this, if someone says no to you more than once wouldn’t it make sense  for you to take there word for it and not b**ch about it afterwards because your imagination was not fulfilled? Anywayyyyyy……………..


The months passed and even with all the mistreatment (someone call Maendeleo ya Wanaume 😀 ) , he persevered until finally I just told him to be free because he deserved someone who will give him those things I wasn’t interested in giving him.

This of course was taken like a sword through Jon Snows heart (which made me weep for my lost ‘love’ 😀 )but obviously with him I moved on just fine. ( 😀 I know, I know, but but better the truth than some poppycock again!)


Now it had now been a year or so since the ‘3 month long incident’ that I saw someone I had considered a friend.

We had gone through a hiatus of not speaking and the apologies flew around and the hugging commenced with much excitement when she said, “Babe I have to tell you something…………I slept with specs.”

Being that I didn’t give two fudges about him really I didn’t care but she went, ” You were so right OMMMMMMMGGGGGG he’s so boring! T

he only thing we did was shag and b**ch about you but don’t get mad, it’s not like were speaking at the time and it’s not like you really liked him so it’s not like it was that bad.”

As she chuckled at her ‘awesomeness’ with all the fudging likes, I stared at her.

It was then that I realized that I realized, the universe will give you the same lesson in different versions. Until you master it you’ll get the same BS over and over again for that is the nature of reality.


Nola & George

“You know I had thought If I was going to beat anyone I was sure it would be you!”


It had reached that period in my life where I wanted to make a major change, and being that it was summer, moving was always my go to thing to do.

So I moved to a nice little estate in the burbs, feeling like a million bucks because I was used to the student living lifestyle where security is you and God 😀 and this was when I knew I was headed in somewhat the right direction in my life.


A few days passed and I headed out to the local shop to buy one for the weekend when  my next door neighbor emerged.

“Oh hi! My name is Nola, you must be the new neighbor!”

She was a hyped, short haired, older looking lady who talked with her hands and smiled unnecessarily as she leaned in to find out more about me.


Let me just say I am not the type of neighbor who is like come over anytime, how are you, Oh my god bla bla bla  nor am I that type of friend either 😀 unless I really love you, so she was already infringing on my space but I digress……


After that perky introduction, she insisted on walking with me to the shop where she then insisted on us going to say hi to her boyfriend who was playing pool at the local.

Reaching the ‘joint’, there he stood, a tall, skinny guy with dreads and an accent I only imagined was available at  the corner store in river road :D.  This obviously was my cue to leave and I quickly  slithered away from their grip and speed walked back to the shops again.


The next evening I decided to do some work as I was sipping and listening to music when someone knocked on my door.

There, in a drunken stupor, stood Nola, and behind her a lad with a silver chain (rolls eyes 😀 ).

She was going on and on about some bih who was trying to hit on her man talking all love and hip hop like and I feeling like I was the therapist trying to make it 😀

So I gently delivered a short session and her agreeing to take my advice, she staggered back to her door while boy wonder over there thought it would be a mighty idea to hit on  me, which he met door to face. (Bi**h activated 😀 )

I had barely sat back down when I heard things breaking, a door opening and closing and a girl screaming at the top of her lungs.


It is here that I say, though I may be a bih to my neighbors, on rare occasionsI am touched  and because she was younger than, me which was shocking to us both (Thanks mum and dad for the great genes ; D ) I decided to go check out the situation.


Out in the hallway stood a short girl who mmm :D…. any way, stood a short girl cursing at my neighbors door.

She was going off at the fact Nola was drunk, she had broken her phone she only truly wanted chain guy and she was an innocent girl from the kijiji,  what was this…bla bla bla …I am happy I never had such moments when I was younger 😀

I decided to difuse the issue by leading her out to the parking lot as I was successfully calming her down but Nola had other plans.

She stormed out and as I turned to stop her,  baby girl over there came round me, and no lie, the chick kicked Nola like this was some ninja warrior type of ish!

It as at this point I took a step back because one, am too pretty to fight 😀 and two all I was trying to do that Saturday was sip and work so bye Felicia.

I stood on the pavement as I watched them fall to the ground and tear each other apart as some neighbors who were hanging out at the lot, ran up to stop the fight.

Now these were men in their mid 30s, early 40s trying to break up the fight so I was sure this would all end amicably when one of them bi**h slapped Nola like she was a beef patty being molded into shape. I was shock!


In all this madness, out comes the boyfriend who had blacked out from too much alcohol. He looked as confused as I felt when I ran up to him to tell  to handle his woman  when I heard another slap.

I looked at him and he didnt move an inch towards her, and as I looked at the older women in the now kinda big crowd watching from balconies, side walks and the like I realized no one cared.

Not a mother, brother, aunty, sister, cousin no one seemed to are that this was someones daughter and I also realized if George could watch his girlfriend being beaten without flinching, he probably did the same damn thing.


But also I learnt something important……….


After a few more slaps, she suddenly she stopped being fussy and in her US accent which I imagined she picked through osmosis from George 😀 , she said,  “OMG guys am so sorry, I dont know what happened I……cough…..” and with the devil back in her eyes she looked me dead in the eyes and whispered, “……You know if there was anyone I would have thought I was going to beat up, it would have been this bi**h for talking to my man.”


I learnt that when you see crazy, you leave crazy alone.






A Short Story

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Sorry been away, had a move and some stuff to do but am back 🙂 and more fired up then ever. #TheBihisBack


“Why did you leave me?”


He had been sitting on the dilapidated couch next to the window when I walked into my neighbors house.

As was customary, her place was filled to the brim with people, but today the people all seemed to surround him rather than pay attention to her.

He was dark, had round white eyes that spoke of worlds, and a smile that I was sure had left every girl feeling like they could be his wife. He, was the perfect distraction.

My years in university were then coming to a close, and I was determined to squeeze every last ounce of partying out of it, that is where my neighbor came in.

You see, throughout my years in the institution, I managed to be seen but not to be known. Once I was done with the hard bit, I made the decision to take my neighbor up on her offer to come join her and her friends for a drink.

So the drinks flowed and I mingled with those I saw, never quiet paying him any attention other than to say a quick hello.

More people came and more people left and when midnight struck, I decided to retire to my bed.

As I walked out, he, still sitting on the couch with his friend, glanced my way, and I smiled, leaving him alone with his gaze.

The morning had me being woken up by a knock on my bedroom window as my neighbor called me over for breakfast. She, I would later find out, was very much an ‘in your face’ type of girl but that was something I didn’t quiet mind, at least for that time.

So I rolled out of bed and into my pajamas, wore my sandals and groggily walked over to her house, and their, on the couch, sat Pete.

“Good morning!” he said, flashing his magnanimous smile at me.

“Hey.” I said, sitting on the bed in the living room before he casually asked me to join him on the couch.

We started chatting as the rest of the house woke up to the smell of grease and bacon and as we talked, we got lost in our own sauce.

He shared stories of his travels around the world and his endless amount of friends and moments that only the rich seemed to have, and I took it all in wishing I had traveled more or at least was born into the Knowles family 😀 .

Breakfast was had and the drinks began to flow again and our conversation went on into the afternoon. It seemed like the best of times then, and it probably was, or rather he probably was.

I retired back to my place later on that evening to shower and have some me time, when he knocked on my door and asked to join me for a while.

He was a mystery, but a mystery I seemed to crave. He had the demeanor of someone so outgoing and it surprised me  to find out that he too loved the sweetness of not being in the spotlight just like I  did.

He told me of the troubles of the rich, of the endless amount of siblings his father seemed to bring, he told me of dark moments I couldn’t believe and of moments that spoke to me. Was it all real, I would ask my inner being as he spoke, or was it all fantasy?

The night went on and it reached that point where I asked him where he would sleep that night and he said, “I don’t sleep……… ghosts haunt my dreams.”

This, instantly melted my heart for it felt like I knew him from more then just our short past, so I invited him to stay and talk, letting his mind go and trusting in our bond.


We had fallen asleep talking, but I had woken up before him, and for a few seconds I watched him sleeping next to me. He was at peace, so fragile like a new born in spring, and I gently released his had from around me and tip toed to the living room to let him catch up on his sleep.

It had only seemed like a few seconds had passed when I had him scream. A scream so shrill I ran back to him.

I found him sitting up on the bed, breathing heavily, sweating and holding his chest when he looked at me with fear was in his eyes and asked, “Why did you leave me?”

His voice broke my heart and I held him in my arms.

He was a gentle soul that I loved, briefly yes, it had been but just a few months, but it taught me that a love so deep and unflawed cannot withstand the hold of a family with so much gold.


” You, you need to check your Facebook asap, I think you’ve been hacked!”


I met Chris in a little estate around the place I used to stay when I was younger.

He, for me, was nothing special, and rumor has it that I was a b**ch back then even though I wasn’t the popular chick who would get all the boys drooling. 😀

But still he had tried time and time again to use my sister as an avenue to me but unfortunately for him, this never worked. The years passed and his persistence continued to prevail when finally, I gave in to dating him during the break between high school and getting into university.


It is at this point I feel I must interject to share that when I say date, I am implying that I would still leave my options open.

I mean, I was a cute but weird young kid who penned poetry with fantasies of finding my one true love, but most importantly, I had not agreed to any type of relationship, lets just get that clear.


But coming back to the trigger happy chappie,  we did what anyone our age did those days, we went on ‘dates’ by walking around the estates behind the blocks where no one could see or we would go to the near by Pizza-Inn for a slice and Coca-Cola mixed with the devils juice.  It was all basic but romantic for the times and it seemed to suit me just fine 😀 (I need to see my life)

So this was the case for a few weeks, when one sunny morning, I met this cute Tanzanian chap at my cousins house. It was all magic at first site with the delusions of a stupid child.  It was tasty.

He would text or email because he was fancy like that and I would daydream of nonsense and poppycock for days after 😀 Think of  La La Land and roses being thrown in the air, that was what it felt like.

So I was now fully emerged in the dating world, as was my intention. Doing my thing, being a cool chick, feeling like I was one of the girls who run the world and sh*t, when exiting a class one afternoon I found missed calls and messages from basically everyone.

Instantly, I thought someone had died ( I was a bit dramatic back then 😀 ) so tears were already forming  when my sisters text came in, ” You, you need to check your Facebook asap, I think you’ve been hacked!”

I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly rushed to my account and lo and behold (yap we’re taking the lingua back 😀 ) little old Chris had hacked into my sh*t.

There, for the world to see, were posts where he was going ape bananas, talking about betrayal this and why that, describing, very graphically, the things I must be doing to the other chap. It was basically soft porn with a touch of gossip girl mixed into one 😀 It was Armageddon in a glance.

Scrolling through the erotic tales, it harshly clicked in my head that all my relatives in the world were on that freaking account and I briefly wondered why he couldn’t have just hacked the secret one.

I hurriedly took to deleting all my accounts trying not to shat my pants when again up pops another message on my screen , ” How does it feel to be betrayed? I loved you, I still do, I forgive you and I still want to be with you….” and I paused, first to thank the lord for giving me the armo I needed to dump his ass but also to mentally note down that I need to upgrade my security and sh*t lest this happens to be again 😀


Welcome to a new series inspired by a title I was working on **Men are B**ches* which needed more than just a chapter.

Its all about dating, mating and elevating. I hope you enjoy 😀